Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Baby Bear Limerick

There was once a small baby bear
Who discovered somebody had broken his chair
After a walk nice and shady
He found the young lady
And ate every last bit but her hair.

Monday, 31 July 2017

Little Red Riding Hood Limerick

A small girl who wore a red hood
Took a short cut through the Wolf's wood
She tasted so yummy
Inside of his tummy
He wish her Granny had tasted as good

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Ode To The Salad Bar At Morrisons.

Oh salad bar at Morrisons how I love thee!
How I long to explore every inch of your stainless steel body.
Your hygienic silver body containing many containers of yummy foodstuffs.
Not much like an actual body, but let's go with it.
My empty stomach aches for your interesting selection of pasta salads:
The tomatoey one, the other tomatoey one, the one that tasted fishy that hopefully contained fish.
Rice salad, cous cous and quinoa for a plastic bowlful of exotic multi-multiculturalism.
The taste of your croutony lettuce fills me with joy, and croutons and lettuce, obviously.
Hard boiled eggs! Where else on the high street can you buy individual hard boiled eggs for fucks sake!!!
How I dream of ripping off your sneeze guard and making mad passionate love to you in a flurry of grated cheese and crunchy onion bits.
But I can't. It's not Asda.
I'll never have that moment so I'll imagine the next best thing. Rachael Riley with breasts like your falafels.

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Very Rude Harry Styles Limericks

Harry from the band One Direction
Had the most massive unwanted erection
He tried to hit it and slap it
But in the end had to strap it
To his leg to avoid it's detection

The singer named Harry Styles
Had the most terrible case of the piles

Once, during a tune
He pulled his pants down to moon
And you could see them from miles and miles

Harry Styles once had a green cock
So decided to go see the Doc
And said "as you can see
I have a bad STD
'Cause instead of condoms I use an old sock"

A girl fan fucked Harry Styles up the bum
With a strap-on but he kept looking glum.
He just wouldn't groan
And instead had a moan
"At least I can feel when my Louis has come!" 

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Basingstoke Limerick.

A foolish man from Basingstoke
Bought a camel for a joke.
He'd bounced on each hump,
With a jumpty jump,
Until the day the poor old camel broke.

Thatcham Limerick.

Some strange eggs were found once in Thatcham.
A man there decided to hatch 'em.
Out came 58 crocs,
10 lions and a fox.
It took police hours to catch 'em.

Reading Limerick

A daft friend of mine born in Reading
Wanted a hundred white doves at her wedding.
They flew and they shat
On this and on that,
Which is exactly what we were all dreading.